a knot in my throat. closing in on my heart

i keep thinking that someday, everything will fall into place and i will be as happy as i need to be.

in my wildest most hopeful dreams, someone will walk into my life and he'll be as perfect as can be and we could share all our thoughts and find each other equally captivating and beautiful.

in my dreams, i would be...me only different. I would be in control, confident, everything I admire in other people, I would be who I'm supposed to be: a smart eloquent lawyer. It would be natural and I wouldn't feel like an impostor. I would be that capable grown-up woman.

in my dreams, I would have everything I wanted that i worked hard for. Good at exams, presentations are a breeze, a group mate that you can rely on. Someone not to be overlooked. I would never feel like a failure, never have to swallow that bitter pill.

in my dreams, i am kind, i will not find it difficult to do the right thing, i am peaceful and honest and a good Muslim.(Like, close to God)i do not indulge in frivolous things. i do not care about opinions of people who mean nothing.

In my dreams, I do not have moments of pure panic, where there is a knot in my throat, where my heart seems to be closing in and sinking under pressure. Where I am sure of nothing, I have control over nothing. In my dreams i am not sad and alone. in my dreams i love, and am loved, like it was the only thing that mattered.

I keep thinking that someday, someone will walk into my life and I will be as happy as I ever dreamed