Bibik was at my house as usual, she comes every two or once a week to clean the house. I just got my pay and it crossed my mind to give her $20, which I think is a fair amount for the work she does cleaning the house so I don't get nagged at to do it. She was sitting in the dark at the balcony when I approached her with notes in hand. She refused to take it from me. I thought she was just being... polite? dutiful? a good hardworking person who doesnt take handouts? and i insisted on giving it to her. she started crying like FOR REALZ and so i backed off. And then i felt bad cos i made her cry. I asked her what she was sad about and she didnt answer... she said she just felt touched.
i keep going over what i did wrong. i dont think the crying was caused by me trying to give her money per se. i think i just interrupted her thoughts while she was in the dark. and triggerred something by my kindness? i will never know what she is thinking about. and i guess the more good hearted someone is, the more impossible it is to understand them. it's a sign of God really, that we can all inside us be so deep and opaque that perhaps no one else will be able to see and understand our secrets.
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