lately i've been second guessing the hell out of myself, putting myself through the gamut. ive felt the lowest lows and self-doubt that shook me to the core. but...

it has never been in my nature to fight fate. i am not the type of girl who goes for what she wants, im the type who believes that if i dont get what i want, it wasnt meant to be. i believe in fate. i believe in bigger plans and a greater controlling power.

I have my own system. so sue me. i dont care. i dont care if im not strong. i dont care if im kidding or deluding myself. i dont care if i dont face up to facts. i dont wanna force myself to go after what i want anymore, to keep giving myself pep talks, to make this small plans that always fall through, to overanalyse everything. i just wanna stop being sad and insecure.