Hm.

Do I have weird ideas sex? I don't want to have sex before marriage. That's all. That's not an idea is it? It's more like a stand.

But what if...

What if I wait till marriage and sex with my husband is not that great but I don't know any better cos I've never had any other experience and thus I can't help him to make sex better and in general i don't know how to be good in bed as a woman? that kind of situation arising from lack of knowledge would just be a shame. Imagine if my future husband is equally chaste. it would debilitate things.

Is it possible that having prior sexual experience will make sex with your husband better, as good as it can possibly be?

WHY do I not want to have sex before marriage anw? why do i think it's so bad and somehow sacrosanct? Is it tied to religion or the way I was brought up? Maybe...maybe i think im already so bad and sinful that if i do have sex, God will somehow not forgive me. turn his back on me maybe

But it does cross my mind in fleeting moments. Like Marie said, I need a touch to tell me I'm real. I've never even held anyone's hand romantically. That is kind of just sad.

Everyone needs touch don't they? i get it now. I don't want sex. I want someone to touch me in love and in a way that says he thinks i'm beautiful and he wants to take care of me.

Like that's ever going to happen.