I understand now.

halfway through looking at slides for privacy and confidentiality in the uncharacteristically empty library it dawned on me. i got enlightened. i know why we are not meant to be.

It's because I don't touch you. i didn't change you and i didn't cause you to become the person you are now, with your beliefs and reactions and approaches. i am not apart of your history and i don't have a shape in your heart. and i can't change you. somehow i am sure of that. i don't touch you.

the same goes for me.

if everyone is travelling the roads of our lives, our experiences cling to us permanently, whether as good or as bad baggage. and here we are, you and i, standing facing each other across the road, constantly trying to cross the road to the other one but held back by the traffic, and all that baggage we both can't drop. we both want to but we can't. We see the accident waiting to happen. maybe you saw it before me. how can you change someone standing on the other side of the road, how can you chnage his speed when it's different from yours?

You have your whole history behind you, and so do i. one cannot re-write history, one cannot make roads merge, and one cannot touch fate, just because one wants to, so badly.

i don't touch you. i didn't touch you, i didn't hurt you and i didn't cause you to live more cautiously. it was someone else.