I'm scared shitless actually. Someone tell me what to do.

year 4, semester 1, week 6

Week 6 already ohmygosh! I am sick with the flu, and having very scabby skin. Sigh. I have three pages of nonsense to write for trade and investment law. I have homework due in week 7 that I have no inkling how to do. Well that's school life I guess.

Been watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy. Meredith looks so tired and sad sitting there on the ledge, and she says, "You know, i think...i think we can't wait for someone to fy under us and save us. We have to save ourselves."

And her posture as she says it, says it all.

I'm so tired and sad as well, Meredith.

Don't think I don't notice,

That you are nice to everyone else but don't bother extending any form of politeness to me.
In short, you've never been nice to me,
And every word that you say to me I can expect some form of sarcasm,
You act like a big know-it-all,
I find you hypocritical,
And it fucking irks me,
And I've had it.
So don't. Talk to me.
I don't need to hear another word from you.

it never works out, its never a surprise, yet it never stops hurting

There's a pattern that has repeated itself countless times in my life, and yet i never mastered the art of not letting it hurt me.

update

So i've been meaning to write, it seems yet again that it's been a long time since i last wrote. I found the words couldn't flow, and so i read through my previous entries.

I must say I write pretty interestingly. Haha. But nothing much has happened to me lately. No crummy internships, no feeling victimised, no anger, no injustices, no guilt, no longing, no emptiness and no lonesliness yet. Perhaps these feelings are what pushes the words out till they spill and tumble out on the blank pages of this virtual space that is all mine, and only for me.

Shall I talk about what has been good so far then?

Well, my internship with jtjb has been a relatively good experience. I met some really lovely and kind-hearted people interns, associates and secretaries, a really genuine but slightly angsty lawyer, and an amicable managing partner. I learnt alot, truly, and I am very grateful for that. I do believe that i have expressed my thanks adequately too. My eyes were opened abit more in how the world works, although i must say, in a rather sadistic and ironic way, i didnt learn as much as through my horrendous experience at RWW. but that was transient, and this is permanent. for permanent, good pleasant and nice is ideal :)

meet ups with relatives and old friends, travel plans for the future. well wishes and hearing compliments.:)

And i think someone at jtjb took kind of an interest in me, and i did something proactive for once! though it will probably not work out, i needn't regret the silence, and the hesitation and the passivity that becomes my bane much too often.

i told Z, who is the long-suffering listener of my lack-of-love cmoplaints, that im really much happier now, "for I am free of KP"

And though i may forget, I will always go back to those words, and know in my heart it is true. I miss him,yes, but what once used to feel like...a capricious load dragging my heart and spirit up and down is now a light speck that flits around in the caverns of my heart unguided, aimless. A shadow of its former self.

And I folded up the frayed ends with A too.

Need to write my internship report tmr...

calling all angels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak2p1MqFMKA

All of my life, I've been waiting.

When will it be my turn?

I feel like the fight is going out of me.